pride vs pride?

I am so tired of believing lies. They cripple and deteriorate my identity. Why is it so hard to believe who our Father says we are?

Not long ago a friend asked me if I ever deal with pride. I gave the answer some honest thought before responding, "Not so much pride, but fasle humility". Ok, I should have seen it as soon as I said it, but I didn't. "False humility"...it's just that...false, and if it's not true humility, that makes it pride, because pride is the opposite of humility. Stop and think about that till you get it, if you haven't already.

I've never really struggled with pride the way I've ever heard it explained. I struggle with the opposite, feeling worthless, that I have no value...that everyone else is better than me.

Even the dictionary states pride as having "a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc."
Growing up in church, I was taught just that, to not think too highly of myself, cause that was pride. I was taught, as many of us were, to put everyone else above ourselves, for we are only "sinners saved by grace". Well, I believed it, and being a good christian, my life and my self worth was fashioned by that "truth". Everyone is better than me, and I am nothing special.

This morning I picked up a book by Rick Joyner "The Final Quest" and started reading. Very interesting. The book is a vision that Rick had, about the Army of the Lord, and the "hordes of hell". In chapter two it talks about a division of the enemies army called Pride, and as Pride was attacking the mighty warriors, another enemy division moved in swiftly. It was called Strong Delusion. Here's a short piece from the book:

"The enemy was fleeing in all directions, except for the one division, Pride. Completely undetected, it had marched right up to the rear of the advancing warriors, and was about to release a hail of arrows. It was then that I noticed the mighty warriors had no armor on their backsides. They were totally exposed and vulnerable to what was about to hit them.
Wisdom then remarked, "You have taught that there was no armor for the backside, which meant that you were vulnerable if you ran from the enemy. However, you never saw how advancing in pride has made you vulnerable."" ...
"Then another enemy division appeared and moved up swiftly. It was called Strong Delusion." ...
"I was astounded at how this great company of the righteous had been so easily defeated, and they still did not even know what had hit them. I blurted out. "How could those who were so strong, who have been all the way to the top of the mountain, who have seen the Lord as they have, be so vulnerable?"
"Pride is the hardest enemy to see, and it always sneaks up behind you." Wisdom lamented. "In some ways, those who have been to the greatest heights are in the greatest danger of falling. You must always remember that in this life you can fall at any time from any level.""


Pride and Strong Delusion are best buds. You'll have to search a great while before you find one without the other. Pride comes in, and you end up delusional. And then on the other hand, Humility and Truth are one and the same. Pride twists the way you see things, and seeing them through the eyes of humility brings truth.

You see, lowering myself to the level that I did, was not me humbling myself, I was still acting out of pride. Pride = false humilty. They are the same thing, just two extremes. It's like numbers. Lets look at the number 1 for example. There is -1, and there is +1, they are both the same number, but one is positive and one is negative, two extremes of the same thing. It is pride to exalt yourself, and it is pride to think of yourself as nothing.

God says I am valuable, righteous, holy, loved and cherished, a child of the King, ect. When I say that I am not righteous, that I am not holy, or that no one loves me, I am putting myself above God. When I say that I am anything other than what God says I am, I exalt myself above Him, and that's pride!

True humility is seeing myself the way God sees me. Man, that's tough. I've been believing lies my whole life thinking I was acting in humility...and it crippled me! I still haven't grasped this stuff...living and acting like Royalty.

Here's a some verses I looked up today, my notes added after them:

Isaiah 2:17 "The arrogance of man will be brought low and the pride of men humbled..."
[arrogance is "overbearing pride", and they will be brought low. And the pride of men humbled]

Pro 29:23 "A man's pride shall bring him low: but honour shall uphold the humble in spirit."
[low...hmmm, did you think that maybe that could also have some sort of "upward" motion to some people? some people are nothing, so thinking of themselves "low" is going up the ladder!]

Pro 11:2 "[When] pride cometh , then cometh shame: but with the lowly [is] wisdom."
[first pride, then shame. Pride leaves you full of shame.]

Pro 16:18 "Pride [goeth] before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall."
[and again...pride, then destruction, haughtiness before a fall]

1Ti 3:6 "...lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil."
[oh look, there it is again...pride leads to "condemnation of the devil"]

Did you notice the general gist of those verses (there's many more in the bible like them, I just picked out a few)? They all talk about the same things. And, did you also notice that not once does it say "Pride comes before humility"? They all annotate "Pride comes before humiliation"...or some sort of destruction, which actually would be humiliating.

Think about a situation where a friend had just said something prideful and nasty to you, and then they trip and find themselves on their face...what would you say? Ha, yeah, we've all said it, "Pride comes before a fall!" For the person who just fell, that is not humbling, that's humiliating. On the other hand, if that person spoke out of humility and they tripped and fell, they would still have their dignity. Shame (the result of falling) cannot come to a humble person. A truly humble person, if they were to stumble, would not feel shame because they know who they are, not who their circumstanes say they are. Shame, or thinking you are valuless, is the offspring of pride. The proud person who falls is left in shame, but the humble are still given honour. The proud fall into shame, not into humility!
***Note: If that paragraph confused you, let me know and I'll try to simplify. I was trying to get my head in text, and I'm still not happy with it. Sometimes it's hard to convert thoughts into words.***

God is not out to humiliate us, He is out to humble us. Big difference.

If you struggle with pride, you can either be brought down, or you can be lifted up, as in my case. I thought I was worthless, and hearing God tell me I wasn't, well that takes a whole lot of humility to admit that, crazy as it sounds. It's hard for me to admit that I have value. It's...humbling.

I guess what I've been trying to say, is that "True humility is agreement with the truth", as I read in "The Final Quest."

I have eaten enough bitter lies in my life, I want some milk and honey!
Father, I'm ready to eat Kings food! Open our eyes to see ourselves the way You see us, not thinking too highly, or too lowly of ourselves! Father, we cry out for Truth to reign in our lives! Bring us to a point of true humility, through a revelation of Your Spirit!